You wake up, look around and realize that you still alive; or at least it seems that way but you're not really sure.
You sleep through the night without getting up to pee and feel like you accomplished a major feat.
You take pills in the morning, afternoon, at night and in between.
You have a good bowel movement and it make you feel good.
You hurt in places you didn't know existed and for no apparent reason.
You look in a mirror and ask, “Who the hell is that and when did I get so old?”
You have no control of your bladder and almost everything that makes a schussing sound makes you want to go.
You put more mileage on your car going back and forth to the doctor’s than all other places combined.
You discuss medical procedures you or they have had, when your in a group of people.
Your grandchildren are having children.
Everything you eat turn to gas.
You go to another room in the house to get something and by the time you get there you forgot what you were after. However, when you find yourself in the bathroom it give you a clue.
Regardless of the temperature it is either to hot or cold.
You mention a famous movie star of the past and everyone looks at you like, who?
You don't know how to operate devices that a three year old can.
You receive a stream of never-ending mail/phone calls related to Medicare programs, burial or cemetery plots, reverse mortgage, how to spend your retirement and AARP. If your a male you get copious amounts of spam related to Viagra and Cialis
You have more hair growing out of your nose and ears than on your head. Your eyebrows grow fast enough to comb over you bald head.
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